HOW TO AGE UNGRACEFULLY (AND LOOK AWESOME DOING IT)
We will not go gentle into that good night.
There are two ways to approach growing old. Some take it on the chin, admit defeat and spend years regretting their decisions. Others go in a different direction. They decide youth should last a lifetime and proceed to erase any sign of aging.
Personally, I’m all for the latter. To hell with getting old, looking old and thinking old. We don’t sing about staying forever young for nothing, and today we’re here to provide some foolproof ways for doing it (that don’t require you to carry a tune).
Maintain Your Boyish Charm
You know that twinkle you have in your eye when you’re flirting with the checkout assistant down at the local IGA? Keep it. It serves you well. Charm improves as you get older, but nurture it so it remains playful and a touch naughty. Note: we’re not recommending patting clients on the backside. What we’re talking about is cultivating an air of carefree charm about you that people want to be around.
Throw Parties Regularly
My best mate The Iron Gnome is the master of this. We can be having dinner on a Tuesday night and somehow by 11pm there’s a party happening at his house. He’s a true bon vivant and the people love it. The trick is being open to meeting new people and being happy to share your house. Your very big house in The Hamptons.
Date Someone Younger
You may no longer be a spring chicken but that doesn’t mean you can’t date one. There’s something alluring about an older man. They’re often well-travelled, can dress and have a penny or two. The young ones like that. If you choose a well-adjusted and mentally-mature youngster, you’ll find that not only will you have stimulating conversation but there will be fewer ups and downs.
Try Something New
Stagnation is the enemy of aging well. Forget what you’ve heard about senior dogs and new tricks – your older and wiser years are the perfect time to learn a skill, take up a hobby or foster a talent. Identify that thing you always said you would do and make it happen. Testing your limits and stepping outside your comfort zone keeps you and others excited about your life.
Battle The Dadbod
“Hey, there’s a great-looking flabby bloke!” said no one ever. Being fit and healthy is one of life’s greatest gifts. Eat well, live well and maintain a regime that ensures you’re always in shape. You’ll find that stress will be reduced and you’ll improve your chances of fitting easily into that convertible you’re buying very soon.
Drive Two-Seater Convertibles
People movers and four-wheel drives are for large religious families and Bear Grylls. If you want to hang onto youth like a man of the world, then we recommend getting yourself a convertible. Not only will you avoid having to give people ‘lifts’ to places, but come summer you’ll be able to show off that younger partner and your Hungarian Vizsla hanging out in the back.
Get On The Brotox Bandwagon
Those ‘thinking’ lines are making you look older. They don’t need to be there, you know. We recommend taking the plunge and getting some of your unwanted stress lines removed. This simple maintenance known as ‘Brotox’ can be done every few months and takes 5 – 10 years off the clock, leaving you looking like a Porsche 911, not a beat up Skoda.
Indulge Without Guilt
Who says you have to become a monk just because you’ve matured? Put down the raw water and step away from the activated charcoal smoothie bowl. You may think your organic, gluten-free, dairy-free, non-fat, low-carb, sugarless, raw vegan lifestyle is keeping you healthy, but there’s no joy in living a longer life if you’ve stripped it of every pleasure. Denying yourself all indulgences is a surefire way to age as well as that racist joke your great-grandfather learned in the war and insists on telling at every family reunion.
Tech savvy, that is. We’ve all seen the video of the Irish dad who couldn’t figure out his GoPro in Vegas. We’ve heard the hilarious horror tales of parents on Facebook. We know the struggle of explaining memes or teaching our elders to understand emoji. It remains to be seen what future generations’ “showing grandpa how to work the VCR” will be, but whatever it is, don’t be that grandpa. Stay interested and informed about advances in technology (and while you’re at it, keep up to date on science, politics, pop culture, etc).
Embrace Silver Fox Status
In case you missed the memo, shades of grey are in. Women are falling hard for Hollywood’s silver foxes, from John Slattery and Anderson Cooper, to Steve Carell and the legendary sterling mane of George Clooney. Confidence is the most potent aphrodisiac we know, so welcome your silver strands and wear them with pride (unless they’re coming from your ears or nose, in which case an urgent removal operation is required).
Fun has no correlation to how many student loan payments you have left. While part of you will pine for the days of weekend-long college ragers (and mornings-after with no headaches), getting older is no excuse for getting boring. Staying spontaneous keeps you young. Take a solo road trip. Surprise the wife or girlfriend with a romantic holiday. Start a DIY project. Jump out of a plane. Volunteer with a charity. Train for a triathlon. Your life only becomes dull if you let it.
One of the greatest benefits of age is increased experience. Another is financial stability. Put them together and you have a clear directive to splurge on the finer things in life. You’ve had years to sample the world’s whiskeys, cars, women, watches, cigars… and what have you learned? Sometimes it’s worth ponying up for the best. There’s no denying the allure of a man who knows his way around a fine dining menu or a wine cellar.
Master The Art Of Not Giving A Sh*t
If there’s one thing a grown man doesn’t do, it’s GAF about stuff that doesn’t matter. They’ve seen and done it all, and they don’t give two shits what you think about it. They say what they want, dress how they want, go after what they want, stand up for what they believe in, and aren’t afraid to take a risk when the reward is worth it. They’re not needy. They’re not braggers or know-it-alls. They don’t seek approval or try to make others feel inferior. They simply exude a quiet confidence that fills a room, turns heads, and makes younger gents jealous.